How Far We Fall
by Mizzdee
Summary: When you live on top of the world, it only takes one push to knock you down and bring the world crashing around you. Written for the Season of Our Discontent Angst Contest


Warnings and Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all rights to Twilight and all its characters. This story contains situations of substance abuse. If you are sensitive to the issue, I advise you to discontinue reading.

**A/N: This was my entry into the Season of Our Discontent Anonymous Angst Contest. Thanks to those of you who read and reviewed it during the contest. Your comments mean the world to me.**

**Thanks, as always, to my amazing beta, AgoodWITCH, for all of your help. Love you tons, darlin.**

Title: How Far We Fall  
>Picture Prompt Number: 4<br>Pairing: Edward / Bella  
>Rating: M<br>Word Count (minus A/n and header): 11,726

Summary (250 characters or less, including spaces and punctuation): When you live on top of the world, it only takes one push to knock you down and bring the world crashing around you.

* * *

><p>Christmas had always been my favorite time of the year but this year there was one huge difference. This year I was completely in love with the most beautiful woman on the planet. Isabella Swan was my world and as I lay next to her, watching her sleep in the morning light, her delicate beauty captured my heart all over again.<p>

With the softest touch, I moved the hair from her face, trailing my fingers down her cheek, her neck, her arm. A moan and a smile greeted me and I leaned in to kiss her gently.

"Good morning, beautiful."

Her eyes fluttered open. "Morning," she said sleepily.

"Sorry to wake you up, sweetheart," I apologized.

"It's okay."

I couldn't help myself and I moved in to kiss her again, only this time I didn't stop as I kissed my way down her neck.

"Mm…Edward," she whimpered.

I smiled and continued my way down her chest. She groaned.

"It may be early but I know what you're doing," I stopped to look up at her, "and it's not going to work."

Snuggling back into her again, I whispered in her ear, "Please."

"No."

"You have to come with me, baby, please," I begged as I held her close to me under the blankets.

"No. You know your mom hates me," she pouted. "She doesn't want me there."

"She doesn't hate you, sweetheart. She's just being overprotective, that's all. I told you how upset she was when Jessica ran out on me. She just doesn't want to see me hurt again."

I could see that my attempts to convince Bella to come to my parents' house weren't working. But it was Christmas. A time to be with your family and I wanted my family to see how in love with her I was as I asked her to marry me.

"She thinks I'm not good enough for you. To her, I'm just some gold-digging barmaid from this piece of shit small town who's trying to sink her claws into the rich and powerful Edward Cullen."

She let out a little growl as she rolled onto her back, her palm rested on her forehead while her fingers pulled at the front of her hair. She was frustrated and I couldn't understand why she always got this way any time I mentioned seeing my parents.

Everyone loved Bella. She was one of the sweetest and kindest people I knew. She was spontaneous and loved to just have fun. She was always happy and carefree, never really letting anything bother her, living strictly by five little words "Don't sweat the small stuff."

It took me nearly six months to get used to her. People in my world stressed over too many insignificant things and it was draining. I wouldn't say I was looking for someone like her in my life, but when I found myself sitting alone in a bar, in Forks, Washington of all places, her attitude and outlook on the way the world worked was like a breath of fresh air.

_It was a particularly trying day and I had been fielding calls right and left about the recent layoffs my company was forced to hand out. When I left the office, I decided to take a drive. I never had a real direction in mind; I just knew I had to get away for a while to clear my head. While I was sitting at a stoplight waiting for it to turn, the sign above the door caught my eye and suddenly, I was in the mood for a drink._

_The place was pretty busy, but there was an open stool at the end of the bar calling my name. I sat down and asked the girl behind the bar for a beer. She slid the bottle towards me from a couple feet down the bar before she walked over to take my money. She shocked me with the first words out of her mouth._

"_Oh honey, I've never seen someone as tense as you before." She pulled the bottle from my hand, replacing it with a shot I didn't ask for. "Drink this one first, baby. It'll take the edge off." She winked at me and walked away._

_Surprisingly, she was right. I felt the tension leave my neck and my body warmed up a few degrees as the alcohol made its way through me. When she came back to me, I thanked her and asked how much I owed her for the drink. She winked at me again, telling me it was on the house before walking away again. _

_She was pretty, sweet and kind of seemed like she was flirting with me, but I knew she was probably doing it to get a bigger tip. It was the unspoken rule in a bar. It didn't stop me from thinking about her constantly for the next month. So, when I finally had some free time, I took a drive back up to Forks to see the pretty bartender who caught my eye._

_She recognized me as soon as I sat down and brought me the same beer I ordered the first time I was here. I smiled when she put the shot glass in front of me first, mumbling something about tension and stress as she walked away._

_I stayed for a while and, as the place started emptying out, she spent more time on my side of the bar, talking to me between customers. She told me her name was Bella and she had just moved from Texas back to Forks – for personal reasons. She worked in an office and bartending was a second job for her to make extra money – again for personal reasons._

_Bella was intriguing and I found myself going back every weekend just to talk with her. I was so drawn to her and after two months of weekend visits, I finally got the courage to ask her on a date. I had been subtly asking her questions about things she liked to do and her favorite foods so I could plan something for her that she would enjoy._

_She told me she loved the beach, gazing up at the stars while listening to the waves relaxed her when the pressures of life tried to get her down. She also told me of her love for Italian food, saying it was her father's favorite and it quickly became a comfort food for her. These two loves of hers gave me the perfect idea. So, I did my research and found the best Italian restaurant and beach closest to her and made my plans._

_I'd found an Italian restaurant in the town of Port Angeles that served Bella's favorite dish. After checking into the local motel, I made the drive to pick up our food before I had to pick up Bella. _

_The smell in the car was amazing as I pulled into the parking lot of the bar where she was waiting for me. Everything was ready; the food, the wine, the blanket to sit on and one to cover up with if it got too chilly outside. I was more excited for this night than I had been for anything in my life._

_My eyes found her immediately and she was beautiful; simply dressed, hair pinned up on one side, falling down her back in small curls and the slightest hint of makeup to enhance the beauty that she had within. My heart nearly stopped as her hand grabbed mine and her lips touched my cheek._

"_Thanks for picking me up here," she said with a huge smile on her face._

"_Anything for you," I answered, smiling at the sparkle in her eye._

_Our first date was perfect. The food was amazing, the conversation flowed with ease and while we sat there, Bella pointed out the different constellations and star patterns that were visible around the clouds dotting the sky. The wind blew a little and when she shivered, I grabbed the extra blanket and wrapped it around us. _

_The blush coloring her cheeks deepened the closer we were to each other and as her eyes met mine, no words could have expressed the feelings coursing through me. Our gaze was intense and I didn't realize that we had been unconsciously moving toward each other until our lips met._

_Kissing her was unbelievable and I didn't want it to end. However, as I lifted my hand to touch her cheek, I felt the first drops of rain hit me. Bella felt them too because she pulled away, giggling and looking into the sky._

_We hurried to clean up but as I threw everything in the trunk of my car, the rain picked up, soaking through our clothes. I was moving fast so we could leave, but Bella had a different idea._

_She grabbed my keys, leaned into the car and started the radio, finding a station playing some soft, love song. Turning the volume as loud as it could go, she closed the door so the car wouldn't get wet. She didn't seem to care about the rain at all as she twirled to the music. I could only lean against the car, watching her dance in the rain. If I thought she looked beautiful before, it was nothing compared to what she looked like now; carefree and happy. _

_It was then, watching her dance that I realized I was in love with this amazing woman._

"It's Christmas, Edward," Bella's frustrated words brought me back to the present, "and I want to spend it here…happy…with you. I don't want to spend my time watching my words while she watches every move I make."

"Bella, please don't be unreasonable. My mother wants you there." I saw the disbelief in her eyes. "She even asked if you were coming."

"She only asked because she was hoping you'd say no."

Bella swung her legs off the side of the bed, ready to stand. My movement was automatic and quick as I jumped out of bed, kneeling in front of her, holding her face in my hands.

"Bella…my love," I laid it on a little thick, "please don't let me spend Christmas alone, baby." I kissed her right cheek. "I love you." I kissed her left cheek. "My family loves you." I kissed her forehead. "Come with me," I kissed the tip of her nose, "and show them how much you love me."

My lips touched hers and I poured all my love into the kiss. She opened up to me and we were locked in a moment only perfect lovers could share. When we broke apart, a smile was on her face as she spoke.

"You don't play fair." She groaned but her face told me I was forgiven before she ever said the words.

"Say you'll come and I promise you, it will be worth every minute."

The fingers that were tangled in my hair pulled, tilting my head back as she stood up.

"Worth every minute?" she repeated my words playfully. "It better be, Mr. Cullen."

She had that fire in her eyes that I had fallen in love with as she crashed her lips to mine for a brief but meaningful kiss. She walked away, leaving me kneeling on the floor, going into the bathroom to get ready.

~oOo~

Bella had her coat wrapped around her, shuffling from foot to foot while we waited for someone to answer the door. I had already asked if she was cold and she, of course, told me no, so I knew her nerves were getting the better of her again. She always had this crazy anxiety over coming here and I still couldn't figure out why. The door opened before I could dwell on it further and my mother stepped aside and hurried us in.

"Edward…Bella, come out of the cold." She closed the door behind us. "I'm so glad you could make it. This snow has been crazy and I was afraid my boys wouldn't be able to join us this year," she said the last part more to herself as she took our coats.

When she turned back around, she hugged each of us. "Merry Christmas," she said, placing a light kiss on our cheeks.

I looked at Bella and winked, hoping she could see that all of her fears about my mother were unfounded. She looked between my mother and me, apprehension written all over her face. I grabbed her hand and led her into the family room where every one was sitting around the fireplace, waiting for us to arrive. My father and brother both stood as we entered.

"Merry Christmas, Dad," I said with a handshake that he quickly turned into a hug.

"Merry Christmas, Son." He looked past me and he smiled. "Bella, it's so good to see you." He pulled her into a hug as well and I beamed at the love they showed her.

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Cullen." I heard Bella's soft voice while I said hello to my brother, Emmett and his girlfriend, Rosalie.

"Come here, short stuff," Emmett said as he pushed me out of the way and scooped Bella off the ground.

Emmett and Bella always seemed to have some special bond that I never fully understood. The second he met her it was like two kindred spirits coming together for the first time. They understood each other immediately and they've been extremely close every since.

Bella's arms wrapped around his neck and she whispered, "Merry Christmas, big brother."

Her voice was so quiet that if I hadn't been standing so close to them, I would have never heard her. When Emmett put her down, I led her to the sofa to sit with me.

"Dinner is nearly ready. Bella," Bella's back went rigid and her hand squeezed mine when my mother called her name, "would you mind helping me in the kitchen?"

My eyes narrowed as I watched a hint of fear cross her face before she smiled.

"Of course, Mrs. Cullen."

I squeezed her hand in return and kissed her cheek. That small request was how I knew my mother liked her because she never let anyone help her in the kitchen, not even Rosalie received the invitation and she'd been with Emmett for years.

I watched as Bella followed my mother, my father cleared his throat to bring my attention back to the room I was in.

"Edward, I had assumed you wouldn't visit us this year. Weren't you planning on visiting Bella's parents for the holiday?" he asked.

"Yes, once the snow clears, we'll head out to visit with them for the week." I grimaced a little. "Bella is anxious to see her father."

"How is he?" Emmett joined the conversation. "Have there been any changes?"

"Bella doesn't say much, but I think they've only given him eighteen months."

"Poor Bella," Rosalie mumbled. "How is she dealing with it all?"

This was the one area where Bella and I struggled. I wanted to be there for her in any way I could, whether it was physically, emotionally or financially, but this was the one area of her life that she shut me out.

"I honestly don't know." I took a deep breath. "When it comes to Charlie, she keeps it all inside. She doesn't let me in. But I let her know every day that I'm here for her no matter what."

"That's all you can do, Edward," Rosalie assured me.

With her final words, we changed to lighter topics of conversation. Twenty minutes later, my mother walked into the room to announce that dinner was ready. Everyone stood up and as we walked into the dining room, I noticed Bella was missing.

"Mom, where's Bella?" I asked.

"Oh, she had to step into the restroom for a minute." She smiled. "She'll join us soon, sweetheart."

Bella came back with a furrowed brow and her bottom lip between her teeth. She was angry. I wrapped her in my arms immediately and kissed her before whispering in her ear.

"Are you okay, baby?" I asked.

"I'm perfect." She pulled away with a smile and walked past me to the table.

Dinner passed with easy conversation and plenty of laughter. Before I knew it, we were all back in the family room in front of the fireplace, ready to hand out gifts. Our parents exchanged theirs first. They each opted for the luxuries that neither allowed themselves to enjoy; certificates for several spa days for my mother and paid tee times for my father every weekend for the next two months. It suited them perfectly.

As the oldest, Emmett was next. He gave Rosalie tickets to New York so she could visit her best friend, Alice, and do some shopping. Rosalie gave Emmett a certificate for flying lessons. He'd always wanted to learn to fly, so he was ecstatic.

Then, all eyes were on Bella and I. She handed me a box filled with CDs of my favorite classical musicians. It was perfect and I loved that she didn't go out of her way to buy something too expensive.

When my turn came, I took a deep breath and slid off the couch onto one knee in front of her. She gave a nervous laugh before whispering for me to get off the floor. I grabbed her hand, kissed it and held it tight.

"My beautiful Bella, from the moment I met you, you've challenged me and forced me to look at the world in a whole new light. You've kept me sane and grounded when the pressures of work threatened to tear me down. You've brought a spark to my life and my heart that I have never known before. Now that I have you, my love, I could never go back to who or what I was before. I need you in my life…always." I kissed her hand again. "I love you, Bella Swan. Will you grant me the extreme honor of becoming my wife?"

I reached for my pocket and Bella's hands flew to her mouth, muffling the gasp that escaped her lips. I pulled a box from my pocket and presented her with a small diamond ring.

She began speaking but the sound was barely audible through the hands still covering her mouth. I laughed, reaching up to pull them away. Her smile was blinding and tears began to spill from her eyes as she spoke.

"Oh my God, Edward. It's so beautiful and perfect. Yes!" She threw herself at me quickly, arms squeezing my neck. "Yes, I'll marry you."

I stood up with Bella still clinging to me and felt my brother's big arms wrap around us.

"Congratulations, you two. We're so happy for you."

Rosalie peeled Bella away from me, giving her a tight hug before pulling back to check out the ring.

"God, Edward, this thing is so tiny. Couldn't you have gotten something bigger?" she teased, winking at me.

"Leave him alone, Rosalie." Bella giggled, pulling her hand back and rolling her eyes. "Edward's choice is perfect."

Rosalie went into instant planning mode and the three of them talked excitedly about the wedding event of the year. Well, it was really just the Rosalie and Emmett as Bella stood quietly and listened. Amused with Emmett and Rosalie's plans, I turned to my parents to reassure them that none of those plans would see the light of day.

My mother was still on the couch looking a little stunned with what just happened and my father, of course, was right there by her side with an arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Kneeling in front of my mother this time, I asked, "Are you okay, Mom? I know you weren't expecting this today, but I just couldn't wait any longer."

The stunned look turned to concern. "Edward," she whispered, "are you sure? Marriage is such a big step. It's going to take a lot of work and you and Emmett are just about to take over at the company. I mean, with all the deals the two of you have in the air, you could lose your focus in all of…this." She waved her hand between Bella and I. "Do you really think this is the best idea right now?"

"Edward, what your mother means is… we are happy for you but we're under a very real threat of a take over from the Volturi brothers, making our overseas deals so much more important now than they ever were. We could lose everything if you or Emmett are too distracted by a wedding to do what needs to be done."

"I can't believe you two are thinking about business right now." I chuckled. "Look, Emmett and Rosalie can talk all they want about extravagant wedding plans, but I promise you, it's not going to happen. Bella has simple tastes and a big wedding wouldn't be the right thing for either of us. Also, Bella knows what's going on with the company and she's too unselfish to ever put herself before my work. She wants to see me succeed. She would never do anything to jeopardize that."

"I'm sure she wants that but, Edward…" she began before I cut her off.

"Mom…Dad, I love Bella and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. There's nothing in this world, the company included that will keep me from doing that. You've always trusted me to know what's important and I'm asking you to trust me now. Everything will work out perfectly." I stood, kissed my mother on the cheek and left them to their worry.

_Don't sweat the small stuff._

I smiled, Bella's motto playing in my head as I walked back to her and placed my hands on her hips. She turned and the light in her eyes told me that I was right – that we were right – and no one could say anything to bring me down, not now that my future looked so bright.

~oOo~

Our drive home from my parents' house was quiet and content. I could barely contain myself every time we stopped near a light and I watched Bella looking at her ring again, her smile growing every time.

We headed straight to the bedroom when we got home and Bella turned on the music. The light outside lit the room enough so I could see her dancing and twirling around in the open space. She only let go like this when she was happy and with Charlie's condition getting worse, she hadn't danced in a long time.

I sat on the bed just to watch but after a few minutes, I needed to have her next to me.

"Come here, Mrs. Cullen." I pulled her onto the bed with me, rolling us until I was half on top of her, propped up on my elbow.

She giggled. "I'm not Mrs. Cullen yet, you know," she teased. "I could always change my mind."

Bella's eyes sparkled in the moonlight shining through the window. She had a smile on her face that hadn't left since the second she accepted my proposal. With everything that was going on in her life, I was thrilled that I had been the one to make her this happy.

"But you won't," I said with complete confidence.

"You know you're not as irresistible as you seem to think," she said, still smiling as she winked at me.

"Is that so?"

I bent down to kiss her neck, slowly making my way to the soft spot behind her ear. I heard her breath speed up as I lightly traced the shell of her ear with my lips before gently pulling her earlobe between my teeth.

I flicked the soft skin once before I let go to whisper, "How about now?"

"Still no." Her voice wavered as I felt her body giving in.

My hand slipped under her shirt and my leg shifted slightly to push between her legs as I made my way back down her neck, kissing every inch of skin left open to me. She gasped when I unhooked the clasp on the front of her bra, just barely grazing her nipple as I moved the fabric aside.

The lightest touch of my fingers circling her breast and a little more pressure to her center had her breathing heavy as I found her ear again.

"And now?" I asked just as I pinched her nipple.

She moaned as her chest pushed against my hand, her legs clamped around mine and one hand grabbed a fistful of my hair while the other covered the hand that was under her shirt.

"God, Edward," was all she said as her entire body reacted at once.

My lips covered hers and she opened up to me as passion took us both to the place we were dying to go.

~oOo~

Life moved fast as the tensions in the office grew. The takeover attempt caused everyone to be on edge as deals to stop it were falling through one after another. We had one of our best teams working on a deal with a Japanese company and it was on track to be settled in the next day or two. That knowledge offered me the chance to relax a little.

I asked my assistant to order lunch so I could stay in and work through some of the wedding details. It'd been a month since I asked Bella to marry me and we had yet to discuss the type of ceremony we wanted to have. I wanted a small wedding with just the two of us, surrounded by our family and the few friends we spent our time with. We would be looking at fifteen people at most. I just hoped she agreed but knowing Bella like I did, a small wedding would be perfect.

I was sure we could pull a wedding together in just a few weeks. The plan…to say our vows on Valentine's Day. What would be more romantic than to take her as my wife and pledge to love her for the rest of my life on the one day synonymous with love?

I planned to talk to her about it when I got home from work today, but our team in Japan ran into some problems and I had to stay and handle it. I called and told her I was going to be late and she quickly told me it was okay. She said she had some things she needed to take care of anyway so I shouldn't worry about her. I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but there was something in her voice that didn't sit right with me.

"Is everything okay, Bella?" I asked, concerned.

"Yes, I'm…" she said and her voice cracked, "…just in a hurry, that's all."

"Are you sure that's…"

"Yes, Edward, I'm fine," she snapped at me.

I knew she hated when I fussed over her so I quickly changed the subject.

"When I'm done here, I'll bring home some take out and we'll have a quiet night at home. How does that sound?" I smiled just thinking about it.

"Fine." I heard her exhale. "Look Edward, I've got to go…bye."

The phone hung up and she was gone. With a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I tried to call her back, but all I got was her voice mail. Something was wrong with her and I needed to find out what. Before I could call her back again, Emmett popped his head into my office.

"Hey Edward, are you ready?" He tapped the doorframe twice. When I didn't answer, his voice became more urgent. "Come on, Edward. We've got to fix this deal or this company won't survive the takeover the Volturi brothers have been trying to hit us with."

"I'll be there in a second." I tried to get him to leave so I could call Bella one more time.

"No…now, Edward! Let's go."

I learned a long time ago that you didn't mess with Emmett when he used that commanding voice. His whole life was wrapped up in this company and he wasn't going to let anything jeopardize it, not even me. Putting my cell back in my pocket, I picked up the files I needed for the meeting and walked with Emmett to the conference room.

We spent two and a half hours in that room, arguing over the details of our purchase of the Japanese company. This was a major acquisition for our company as it would give us a strong presence overseas and effectively kill any takeover attempt by the Volturi brothers.

Finally, after the last detail was finalized, I whispered to Emmett, asking him to finish up and I took off. I ran back to my office, gathered up my things and headed straight home. I knew I was supposed to pick up dinner, but when I couldn't reach Bella again, I decided that I needed to check on her first.

"Bella!" I yelled as I burst through the door.

No sooner did I step through the door, was I lying face first on the floor. Looking around, I saw the small bag I tripped over and then I saw the two suitcases next to the door. I called out to Bella again as I scrambled to my feet. There was no answer and I ran to the bedroom.

She was in the bathroom with her back to the door, frantically throwing all her personal items into another small bag just like the one I tripped over. My heart dropped to the floor as I recognized this for what it was. She was leaving me.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I ran to her, grabbing her hand to make her stop.

"Let me go, Edward." She was crying.

"No, not until you tell me. Why are you…?"

"I'm leaving, Edward. I can't live like this anymore," she stammered.

"Like what? I thought we were happy." I sounded desperate.

This made no sense. I turned her around so I could see her face. Her puffy eyes were red and her face and shirt were soaked with her tears. I tried to wipe them away but she jerked her head away from my hands.

"Don't touch me." Her voice was barely audible through her heavy breaths.

"Bella, please. What happened?" I choked as I quickly wrapped my arms around her. "Why are you packing."

"I said don't touch me!" she screamed, struggling to push me away. I let her go so I wouldn't hurt her. "I h-hate you."

The second she was out of my arms, she had her bag in her hand and she bolted for the door. My body froze for a few seconds, but it was enough for Bella to make it halfway to the front door before I started after her. I saw her with both small bags in one hand and the other reaching for the door.

"Bella, stop." I wanted to yell but it just sounded like begging. "Please, just talk to me."

She stood there with tears pouring down her face.

"No, I have to go. I…" She shook her head wildly as she reached for the door again. "I can't do this."

"I love you, Bella. I know you love me, too. You can't leave me." I reached for her again, throwing my arms around her so she wouldn't run away. "We're getting married."

I was crying with her, begging her not to go. She relaxed against me a little and I knew whatever this was could be fixed. When I felt her hands grasp my hips, I kissed the top of her head and then her temple. This wouldn't be the end.

"I love you, Bella. Talk to me, please," I begged. "Is this about your dad?"

When I mentioned Charlie, her grip tightened and she pushed me away.

"My dad is none of your business anymore." She cried harder. "And neither am I."

A knock on the door made her jump.

"I'm leaving, Edward." She ripped the door open. "This is over."

I took a step forward. "Bella, don't say that."

The man at the door stepped forward in response, putting an arm around her shoulder, pulling her away from me.

"Who the fuck are you!" I yelled.

"Come on, Bella. Let's go," he said, ignoring me.

"She's not going anywhere! I don't even fucking know you!"

He ignored me and grabbed Bella's suitcases. She turned on me with hate and anger in her eyes. The look stopped me cold.

"He's the one getting me out of this place," Bella screamed at me through her tears. "I'm leaving and I'm never coming back. Don't you dare try to follow me either! I'm done with you!"

She turned and ran out the door, leaving me broken as I watched her jump into the backseat of a waiting car, straight into the waiting arms of a girl I'd never seen before. I watched as the big guy loaded her suitcases into the trunk but just as he slammed it closed, I snapped out of my daze. I couldn't stand around doing nothing and let her walk out of my life, so I sprinted to the car, hoping to get her to listen.

"Bella, please don't go!" I yelled so she could hear me. "I love you, please."

The big guy pushed me away from the door. "Just let her go. She doesn't want you anymore."

I tried to get passed him but he stopped me only this time I ended up on the ground.

"Jake, just get in the car," she cried.

At her command, he turned and jumped into the passenger seat.

"Let's go, Sam." I heard him say before the door closed.

I was helpless, unable to do a thing as I watched them take her away from me.

~oOo~

The pounding on my front door woke me up but I didn't care enough to answer it. Whoever it was could go away.

"Edward," a deep voice called, "open the fucking door."

I rolled over and buried my face in the couch where I'd fallen asleep. I never made it to bed last night. Hell, if I was being honest, I hadn't slept in my bed since Bella left six months ago. It hurt too much to even walk into my bedroom, there was no way I could sleep there.

Bella's ghost haunted every step I took and here – in this house – the memories were the worst. Her last words to me still hung in the air and hearing them tore my heart out all over again.

"_Don't you dare try to follow me either."_

I heard the words and I wanted to love her enough to give her what she asked, but I couldn't do it. I was selfish and I wanted her. I couldn't let her walk out of my life like I meant nothing to her because I knew she loved me. I just had to make her see that. Make her remember everything we were and everything we had together.

_I wasn't going to let my future be ripped away from me. So, I gave her a couple of days before I drove to her parents' house in Forks ready to beg – on my knees if I had to – to take me back, but when I got there no one was home. _

_Expecting them to be home soon, I waited, losing myself in the dreams I had of our future together. I was pulled from my thoughts by a knock on my window. The same man who took Bella away from me was now standing outside my window, glaring at me._

_I jumped from the car, startling him enough to get my hands on him. In my anger, I swung him around and slammed against the back door of my car._

"_Where is she?" I yelled._

_Wide eyes stared back at me. "I don't know," he answered._

"_Don't fucking lie to me!" _

"_I really don't know, but wherever it is, she's not coming back." He seemed a little scared._

_Those four words were like another blow to my heart and I loosened my grip on his shirt. He moved out from under me and I fell against the car._

"_Listen, I don't know what happened between the two of you, Edward…"_

"_How do you even know me," I whispered, turning around to face him._

"_Edward, Bella's been my best friend since we were kids. From the first day you walked into the bar, she hasn't stopped talking about you." He gave me a sympathetic smile. "For a while, I thought she was making you up because no one could be that perfect…"_

_That drove another knife right through my heart. If she was so happy, why would she leave?_

"…_but then she told me who you were. I remembered reading about you, 'The youngest CEO in the communications world,' and all around nice guy. I couldn't have been happier for her. To be honest, she was a little afraid to get involved with you because of who you were but I told her that, if you were all that she said you were, she'd be an idiot not to take the chance. I thought she was happy."_

"_So did I," I mumbled. "She agreed to marry me. Did she tell you that?"_

"_Yeah. Who do you think helped her pack when she finally decided to move in with you?"_

"_If she tells you everything, tell me why she left." I sounded desperate._

_He blew out a deep breath. "I don't know. She called and told me that I needed to pick her up. She didn't explain but I knew whatever it was, hurt her more than I'd ever heard before. I grabbed some friends and we went to pick her up."_

_I couldn't say a word through his entire explanation. The words 'she was happy' kept running through my mind and I couldn't even fathom what could change that._

"_Edward, I'm sorry. I don't want to be the one to tell you this, but she never came back here." He dropped his head, looking guilty. "We left your house and I drove her straight to the airport."_

"_What?" That caught my attention. "Where did she go? How could she leave her parents like that?"_

_Bella wasn't they type of person to run out on her parents without a word, especially with her dad so sick._

"_She didn't." He hesitated to finish. "I asked the same question and she told me that she sent someone to pick them up and they were meeting her there."_

"_That makes no sense. Charlie shouldn't be traveling."_

"_I don't know how long she's been planning this, Edward, but she told me she already had his doctor's approval." Another deep breath helped him stall. "In the end, I think she wanted me to find you because, when she told me goodbye, she begged me to tell you she was sorry."_

"Edward!" Emmett's voice brought the painful memory to an end. "Don't make me break this fucking door down!"

I knew he wasn't going away and I wasn't going to answer the door for him either. If he was that determined to talk to me, he was going to have to be a man of his word and 'break the fucking door down.'

I rolled over to face the empty room and my eyes landed on the vodka bottle that had been forgotten last night when I passed out. Reaching out to grab the bottle, I sat up and took a long drink, letting the warm liquid rush down my throat. It was good and the burn dulled the pain in my heart a little.

The ache never really went away no matter how much I drank. But at least it numbed me for a while and I was able to function through most days. Though some days – like today – when the memories come back, it took all the strength I had to even open my eyes. Days like today, I gave myself over to the pain and drank until I couldn't even remember my own name.

"What the fuck!" I yelled, when the vodka bottle was ripped from my lips, spilling the liquid down my shirt.

I hadn't even noticed that Emmett made his way into my house.

"This is what you've been doing all fucking morning!" He shook the bottle in front of me. "Drinking yourself into a coma again. Do you even fucking care that the Tokyo reps were sitting in the office, waiting for you to show up for more than an hour! Does it even matter that we could lose this deal because of you!"

"Give me the fucking bottle, Emmett." I reached out the grab it but he pulled it away.

"Hell no! You may be content to sit here and wallow in your fucking misery, but I'll be damned if I let you kill yourself while you do it." He walked towards the kitchen. "And I, for damn sure, am not going to let you take my company down with you."

"You're company!" I yelled as I followed him. "When the fuck do you think it became your company?"

Emmett had already started emptying the bottle when I walked into the kitchen.

"The day your ass decided that being a self-pitying fucking drunk means more to you than running the business that has given you this life you seem so willing to throw away!" He threw the bottle, shattering it in the sink. "Grow the fuck up, Edward! Women come and go and I'm sorry Bella left, but she's not coming back. Quit wasting your money trying to find her and get your shit together before you lose everything!"

His words didn't escape my attention. "What are you talking about? What money am I wasting?"

"Really, Edward, did you think mom wouldn't tell me that you've contacted every fucking PI in the state to help you find her. It's been six months, and with the money you've been throwing around, if they haven't found her yet…it's not going to happen."

He rubbed his hands over his face before moving to stand in front of me. One hand rested on my shoulder as he lowered himself a little to my eye level.

"I know you loved her, Edward." His tone softened, making him sound like my dad. "I loved her, too, but she's gone. You have to let her go before your misery eats you alive." He pulled me into his arms. "I love you, Bro. I can't watch you slowly kill yourself over a girl who didn't love you enough to stay."

His body trembled a little and he tried to speak again but the words caught in his throat. I was caught off guard when I realized he was crying. Emmett never cried…ever. He gripped me tighter before speaking again.

"I want my brother back, Edward." He nearly choked on the words. "Bella leaving was bad enough. I can't lose you too."

My arms went around him to hug him back. "I'm trying, Em, but it hurts so much." I pushed my strangled words past the lump in my throat. "I just want her back."

"I know, Edward." Emmett held on for a second before stepping back. "Sometimes we have to face reality even when that reality is so far from what we dreamed it would be." He wiped the tears from his face. "We're all here for you, Edward, whenever you need us."

"I know. Thanks, Em."

"I have to go back to the office to smooth things over and get the Tokyo deal back on track. You'll be in tomorrow, right?" he asked hesitantly.

I nodded. Emmett gave me a quick hug and walked towards the kitchen doorway, but stopped just before he walked through it.

"Oh, I forgot…could you call mom. She's making herself sick worrying about you."

"Sure, Emmett. I'll call her later."

~oOo~

I tried. I really did, but the pain never went away. It had been more than a year since she left me and not even the alcohol worked to dull the ache, but that didn't stop me from trying. Just like most nights, I was sitting in the corner of the bar, drowning my sorrow in the bottom of a vodka bottle…or two.

The numbness I used to feel when I drank was a distant memory. Now, the more I drank, the worse the hangover was in the morning and that only added to the depression I was in.

"Hey man."

I looked to my right after I pulled the shot glass away from my lips. I had nothing to say to him so I picked up my bottle and poured another.

"I'm Felix," he said just as I lifted the glass, letting the alcohol slide down my throat.

Ignored him again, I filled my shot glass one more time.

"I've seen you here before."

"Quite observant, aren't you," I said sarcastically.

"Girl troubles?" he asked.

"Look, I'm not in the mood. Leave me alone."

"I could help you," he said.

"You don't even know me," I pointed out the obvious. "How are you going to help me?"

"If you come with me, I can help you take the pain away," he hinted.

"Get the fuck away from me." I shoved him off the barstool.

He had the nerve to laugh. "I don't mean like that. I can see that the vodka is doing nothing for you."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him look around us.

"I have something way better than vodka and I promise, it'll take all your pain away."

He walked slowly toward the door, turning once to look at me before he slipped out. My eyes were glued to the door when I heard the bartender ask if I was okay.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"I know it's none of my business but that guy's bad news."

"You're right," I glared at him, "it is none of your business."

I downed one more shot before I stood up and walked out the door.

Bad news or not, he said he could help me and I just wanted to find a way to get rid of the pain. If I'd had my way, tomorrow would have been our first anniversary. The thought of facing it alone and broken was just too much.

I stood a few feet from the door, looking around the parking lot but the guy was gone. I didn't have the energy or desire to search the parking lot for him, so I turned unsteadily back to the door, stumbling a bit, to go back inside.

"Hey."

I turned my head too quickly and lost my balance, falling against the door.

"Over here."

Looking to my left, I saw the guy leaning against the corner of the building. He was grinning and waved his hand for me to follow him as he disappeared around the corner.

It took me a second to steady myself, but when I did, I used the wall for balance and followed the guy between the buildings.

"I've been watching you," he said. "You've been in here almost every night."

"Why the fuck do you care?" I growled.

"I told you, I know you're having problems. I can help."

Before I could answer, he held out his hand and there was a small vile looking thing. I just stood there; my mind not working well enough to know was it was. When he laughed, I looked up for just a second before my eyes focused back on the thing in his hand.

"One hit of this and all your pain will go away."

~oOo~

The high from the cocaine was enough to get me through most days at work for a while but it was doing little to help with the pain. I was more depressed now than I was before and I was losing myself to the ache again. I was still hearing Bella's voice in my head and there were times when I thought I saw her standing in front of me, only to find out it was all a cruel joke. I was going crazy and didn't know how to handle it.

Emmett knew something was up but didn't know what it was. He tried to confront me more than once but I was able to play it off, keeping the truth from him. I had pulled away from my family almost completely by Christmas and my mom's repeated phone calls went unanswered. There was only one phone call I wanted and when the familiar number popped up on my caller id, I rushed to answer.

"Felix, it's about fucking time," I growled into the phone.

"Chill Edward, I'm a busy man."

"This shit isn't cutting it anymore," I said desperately. "I need something… I don't know… stronger."

"And here I thought you were calling to invite me over for Christmas dinner. Why do you only call me when you want something? I thought we were friends, Edward." He laughed.

"Cut the shit, Felix! Do you have something stronger or do I need to find someone else to help me?" I threatened.

"All right, all right, I got you covered," he said. "I'll be there within the hour."

I sunk back into my couch with my vodka bottle to wait. My phone rang a few more times while I waited but each one was from my mom so I let them go to voice mail. I knew what she wanted and the last thing I wanted to do was celebrate Christmas.

I couldn't even walk through their door anymore without seeing Bella in the family room, smiling with tears in her eyes, looking just as she did when I asked her to marry me. We were happy. How could she leave me? How could I not find her after all this time? She disappeared and she took my heart with her.

The knock on the door interrupted my thoughts and I rushed to answer it, knowing Felix was on the other side.

"Damn, you look like shit, Edward," he said when I ripped open the door. "When was the last time you slept?"

"Fuck sleep. What do you have for me?" I wasn't in the mood for small talk.

He grinned. "Ever heard of a speedball?" I didn't answer. "You got any clean needles left?"

I nodded.

"Perfect."

Felix gave me what I wanted and told me what to do with it before he left. I turned the stereo on to drown out my thoughts as I sat at the kitchen table, staring at the needle. Just like it always did, though, Bella's voice popped into my head.

'_Drink this one first, baby. It'll take the edge off.'_

They were the first words she ever spoke to me. I grabbed the vodka bottle and poured myself a shot. I didn't realize until this moment why it was the only alcohol I would drink. It was the first one she served me. I saw her now, standing across from me smiling and giving me the same wink she did on that first night.

"I can't do this without you, Bella. I love you."

Her smile never faded as I picked up the needle, filling it with the only thing that could take everything away, if only for a little while. I didn't want to hurt anymore.

A loud knock at the door brought all the sounds in the room back to my consciousness. Not wanting to see anyone, I let them knock. I put the needle to my arm as I took in everything around me one more time.

Rock music blaring.

Frantic pounding on the door.

A voice screaming my name.

Bella's smile.

"Forgive me, baby."

I was numb to it all as the muffled cry fell from my lips when the needle punctured my skin one more time. Every cell in my body screamed for the release that the deadly drug now coursing through my veins could provide.

A release from the pain.

A release from the emptiness.

A temporary patch for the bleeding hole in my chest where my heart used to be.

She took everything with her when she left, leaving behind a shell of the man I used to be. I had always believed myself to be strong, someone who could face anything and win. What I didn't know then was that my strength was wrapped up in her. Everything I did and everything I fought to overcome was for her so she would feel safe and loved and protected. But in the end, it meant nothing. She walked away and never looked back.

Finally, the calm I sought flowed through my body along the path the drug created. Every nerve relaxing as the poisonous fluid infected everything it came in contact with. I lowered my body to the floor while I let the drug take over. I released a sigh of contentment as I waited for the pain to subside one more time.

In one heartbeat, calm turned to agonizing pain as backbreaking convulsions rocked through me and every vein in my body caught fire. My fist closed around the needle still lying in my hand, causing me to stab myself with it once as my body curled in on itself from the pain. A scream ripped itself from my chest as the ache became too much to bear. My eyes shut tight against the pain and I could feel the spit running down my cheek.

The last things my mind registered were a loud crash and a male voice yelling things that made no sense to me before my world went black.

~oOo~

My eyes opened slightly to see nothing but darkness and a loud beeping noise pounded in my head. My eyes slid closed as I begged for sleep so I could return to my dreams. As I drifted, the sweetest voice in the world entered my mind.

"Come back to me, Edward. I love you."

My dreams were so real. Bella was with me, holding my hand, kissing my forehead, my cheeks and my lips. She apologized over and over again for leaving. She told me she loved me and wanted nothing more than to be with me.

I told her I would do anything, be anything and give anything if she would just stay. She was my life and I needed her. I could see her beautiful eyes full of tears as she spoke to me and I wanted to wipe them away. Bella was too beautiful to cry and I didn't want it to be because of me.

The beeping pounded into my head again as the image of Bella faded.

"Bella," I whispered, wanting to bring her back.

"Edward." A man's voice answered back.

My eyes slid open to a bright light. It was too much and I closed them again.

"Edward." The voice was there again and a hand squeezed mine. "Edward, wake up. Talk to me."

My eyes fluttered a little but didn't open.

"Too bright," I croaked. My throat hurt.

The hand left mine and I heard a scraping noise.

"I closed the blinds so it's not so bright. Open your eyes, Edward."

My eyes barely opened. The room was still bright but it was darker than the first time.

"Thank God," the man said. "I'm glad to have you back, bro."

I turned my head to the voice and blinked my eyes a few times to focus.

"Emmett?" My voice was hoarse and I couldn't speak above a whisper.

"Yeah, I'm here. Mom and Dad will be here soon."

"Where's Bella?" I asked.

His eyes closed for a second. "Edward…"

"She was here. Where did she go?"

"Edward, she's gone. She's been gone almost two years now. You have to let her go."

"No. I heard her. She was here." He needed to believe me.

"Mom, dad and I have been here every day. There's no way. We would have seen her," he said.

"Edward."

I looked to the door and saw my parents hurrying to my side.

"Oh my sweet boy, I thought we lost you." She kissed me. "I was so scared. How could you do something like this?"

A doctor and nurse came in before I could answer. He asked them to leave while they checked me over. My parents and Emmett left the room, promising to be back as soon as they were able.

"Hello, Mr. Cullen. I'm Dr. Watts and this is Nurse Young. She'll be taking care of you this morning. How are you feeling?"

"My head is pounding and my throat hurts."

"You're headache is to be expected. I wish I could give you something but with the evidence of a chemical dependency, I can't. The ache in your throat is from the breathing tube and the pain will go away soon."

The two of them went to work, checking every part of me they could. I let them work without a word until the doctor shined his light in my eyes. It was too bright and I fought against him.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen. I know it's uncomfortable but I'm almost done."

I squeezed my eyes shut the second the light was gone. I felt the bed move slightly and I opened my eyes to see him sitting in front of me. The nurse stood next to me with my hand in hers. I glanced back and forth between them, not understanding what they were doing.

"Mr. Cullen…"

"Edward," I said, cutting him off.

He smiled. "Edward, you've given your family quite a scare. From what I understand, if your father hadn't found you when he did, you wouldn't have made it. I don't know what brought you to this, but I've scheduled a psychiatric consultation for later this afternoon."

"I don't need that," I argued.

"Whether you do or not, it's our policy. You'll be here for several more days and I believe it would be to your benefit to talk to someone."

I felt a squeeze to my hand and I looked at the nurse. She had a sad smile on her face. My eyes narrowed as I stared at her.

"Do I know you?"

The smile left her face. "No, Mr. Cullen. I'm sorry."

"I've seen you...somewhere."

She looked familiar but I wasn't thinking clearly enough to know where I'd seen her. I let it go, focusing back on the doctor again.

"Do I have a choice?" I asked.

"I'm sorry…no." He took away all my hope.

"Fine."

He stood up. "I have some other patients to see but I'll be back in to see you this afternoon. Please let Nurse Young know if there is anything you need."

"Thank you," I mumbled as he walked out the door.

"My shift is over in a couple of hours, but I will come in to check on you before I go," Nurse Young said as she straightened my blankets. "I'm so glad you're awake. You have a lot of people that care about you. I would hate to see what it would do to them if anything happened to you."

"Nurse Young…"

"Call me Emily." She smiled.

"Thank you."

She nodded and left me alone in the room.

I slept on and off throughout the day, talking to whoever happened to be sitting with me when my eyes opened. Everyone was kicked out again when the psychiatrist came to see me. She sat with me for a few a couple hours and when she finally got me to talk, I told her about Bella. How it felt the day she left me and how much it still hurts today.

As much as I hated to admit it, it felt good to talk about her with someone who wasn't judging me or expecting me to act a certain way. She just sat and listened. I can't say it helped because every time I closed my eyes, Bella's face was all I would see. In my dreams, we had a life and a family. We were happy.

~oOo~

The room was dark and empty when I woke up again. Needing the restroom, I pushed the call button since I wasn't allowed out of bed without someone there to help me.

"How's my favorite patient?" a soft voice asked.

I was confused until I saw Nurse Young come into the light.

"I need help to go to the…"

"Say no more." She smiled and helped me out of bed, holding me against her body the whole way.

After she got me settled back into bed, she checked my vitals, writing the information on my chart.

"What time is it?" I asked.

She checked her watch. "It's nearly three in the morning. Get some sleep, Mr. Cullen."

I rolled over as she clicked off the light.

"Emily…please call me Edward."

"Goodnight, Edward."

I was nearly asleep before she even shut the door, praying for the dreams that have helped me hang on.

"_I'm so sorry, baby. I never wanted to leave you."_

_Bella was in my arms as soon as I opened the door. I held her tight, missing the feel of her next to me._

"_I've wanted to come back so many times. I was literally out the door, suitcase in hand, but I couldn't do it. I didn't want to ruin your life by coming back. If I knew, Edward," she kissed my cheek, "they couldn't have kept me away. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."_

_I squeezed her tighter. "No, Bella, don't blame yourself. I tried. I just wasn't strong enough."_

"_It's been so hard living without you. I've been so close to falling off the edge myself, but I had something more to fight for, and so do you." Her lips touched mine for a brief second. "Fight for me, Edward. Fight for our love, the life we could have, and the family we've always wanted."_

_I didn't remember moving but somehow, we were lying in our bed holding each other, neither one of us wanting to let go. Bella kissed my cheek before touching her lips to mine once._

"_I love you, Edward."_

A jerk on my arm shocked me out of my dream and I heard Emmett's voice.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

If she wasn't holding onto my arm so tight, I wouldn't have believed that Bella was really here. She wouldn't let me go as Emmett tried to pull her away from the bed.

"Bella," I whispered, afraid she would disappear.

She turned and seeing her face for the first time in two years was like a breath of fresh air. Emmett pulled her again and she turned away.

"Get your ass out of here! You've caused enough fucking problems, don't you think?" Emmett's words were harsh.

"I'm not going anywhere." Bella fought to get her arm free. "I love him, Emmett. I'm not leaving him."

"It's what you're good at, isn't it." He pulled her away again.

"That's enough, Emmett." I used her grip to pull her back.

He ignored me. "Do you think I'm going to let you break his heart again?" he asked, angrily. "Look where we are, Bella, Edward almost died because of you!"

"Don't fucking talk to her like that!"

Bella looked back and forth between us, looking like she wanted to cry but she let me go and turned back to Emmett.

"I know what happened, Emmett! It nearly killed me when I found out. I'll never forgive myself for this."

"Bella, it's not your…"

"Good!" Emmett cut me off. "I hope you feel like shit. You deserve it, you selfish bitch! Now get out of this room before you ruin his life any more than you already have."

He pulled Bella's arm hard and she stumbled a few steps toward the door.

"Leave her the fuck alone, Emmett!" I was yelling as loud as they were but neither one was listening to me.

"I told you, I'm not going anywhere!"

"Over my dead body!" my mom said as she stormed into the room. "I almost lost my son because of you. If you ever come near him again…"

"Leave her alone! This isn't her fault. I did this to…"

"Because of me?" Bella ignored me again. "You have some fucking nerve. Why don't you tell them why I really left?"

My mom's eyes narrowed. "How the hell would I know why you chose to hurt my son?"

"You sat on your high fucking horse, looking down on me like I was nothing. Look where that got you! Go on, Esme, tell them what you did! Look your precious son in the eye and tell him why I left!"

"Esme?" My dad looked as confused as I felt. "What is she talking about?"

"Get out of this room, Bella, before I call security and have you escorted out."

"Mom?" was all I could say.

"Do it! Let everyone see what a heartless bitch you really are!" Bella looked at me with tears in her eyes. "Tell him, Esme." Bella almost choked on her words as she looked back at my mom. "Tell him how much you paid me to leave?"

"You did what!" my dad and I said at the same time.

Bella was at my bedside before my mom answered. "I'm sorry, Edward. I wouldn't have left you if I had a choice." She held my hand, begging. "You have to believe me. I love you. I've never stopped loving you."

"Bullshit!" Emmett yelled. "You chose money over my brother. You selfish, lying, heartless bitch!"

"Shut the fuck up, Emmett!" I yelled. "Bella, why would you…"

"What the hell is going on in here?" Emily was standing in the doorway. "You all need to leave, Edward can't…"

I didn't hear anything else as I looked through the open door, seeing a man standing there with a crying little girl in his arms. I'd never in my life seen anyone with my color hair before…until now. If she wasn't dressed in a pink dress, I would have thought I was looking at myself as a baby.

The words from my dream came back to me. '_I __had __something __more __to __fight __for, __and __so __do __you.__'_

"You're so full of shit!" Emmett's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

I turned from the little girl to see Emmett towering over Bella. Even from the side, I could see the tears streaming down her face.

"Bella," I said, hoping to get her attention.

She didn't listen.

"You struck it big when you found my brother, but as soon as someone waves a check in your face, you take it and run."

"Bella," I called out.

"I said get out!" Emily tried to yell over Emmett.

"All you are is a gold digging little bitch!" Emmett hollered.

That was all it took to break her and I watched helplessly as Bella turned and ran out the door, the blond man holding the little girl following after her.

"Bella, wait!" Emily yelled.

"No, Bella!" I screamed, moving without thinking as I jumped out of bed and fell straight to the ground.

"Edward!" multiple voices shouted at once.

Emily had her hands on me immediately, trying to help me back up.

"Don't let her leave!" I yelled, not worried about myself.

"Fuck that!" Emmett yelled back.

"Dad, please." I was desperate.

He hurried out of the room without another word.

The silence in the room lasted half a second before I heard my mom sniffling.

"You did this!" She turned to look at me, tears flowing down her face. "Why?"

"She wasn't good enough for you," my mom cried. "I've seen her kind before and I wanted to protect you from her."

"Protect me!" Waving my hand around the room, I yelled, "You did a wonderful fucking job, Mother! Bella was right! I should have seen you for what you were."

"Bullshit!" Emmett shouted back at me. "If she did anything, she exposed Bella for what she was."

"Go to fucking hell, Emmett!" I turned on him. "Bella ran out of here because of you! I swear to God…"

The door opened and my dad walked back in. The look on his face broke me for the last time.

_No, no, no. Don't say it. Please don't say it._

My head moved frantically back and forth, not wanting to hear what I knew was coming.

"I'm sorry, Edward. She's gone."

I lost control, yelling at my mom and Emmett, "You both did this!"

Emmett ducked, pulling her with him as I threw whatever I could get my hands on in their direction.

"Get the fuck out and don't ever come back! I fucking hate you! I never want to see you again!"

I was slammed against the bed when my dad's body landed on top of me, using all his strength to hold me down. I fought against him, screaming for him to let me go so I could find Bella myself.

"Help me," he shouted.

"Get off me!"

I pushed, kicked and punched him to get him off. I couldn't move a muscle as my legs were pinned to the bed.

"Hurry," my dad roared.

"I'm so getting fired for this." I heard Emily's voice.

Turning my head in her direction, I saw the needle in her hand.

"No, no, no, please," I begged. Tears spilled as I watched her push the clear liquid into my IV. "Dad, please. No more drugs, please."

"God, I'm sorry, Edward."

"Bella." I cried when I felt the numbness start to take over again. "I just need Bella. Please just let me go. Let me find her."

All my strength left me as the drug took effect.

"I need her," I whispered as I fought to keep my eyes open.

"She's gone, Son."

"No, she…wants…me..."

I could barely talk through the haze.

"Fight…for…"

My eyes were heavy.

"Baby…"

My eyes closed.

* * *

><p><strong>I know some of you have asked for answers. I do plan for Bella to have her say but I won't get to it until after the first of the year. Hit that alert button if you want to get the rest of the story.<strong>

**Thanks so much for reading.** **Until next time...much love to you - D**


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